“I don’t deal with females well!” I know I am a woman but I don’t want any friends.” These are words a woman said to me as we were meeting one late afternoon. She would not go into detail why she didn’t want any friendships with women. I simply couldn’t help it………my mind began to wonder and race. Was she hurt in a past relationship with a friend? Did her insecurities not allow her to be able to show love to another sister? Or did she feel like her life didn’t need the friendship of another woman? I may never know the true reason why she does not want a female friend but I do know I saw pain in her eyes. I do know I heard bitterness in her voice; or maybe it was hurt masked as bitterness. There may be thousands of women who feel the same way. You could be a woman from being hurt in one relationship have chosen not to ever venture down the road of friendship ever again.
I can openly and honestly, say there is beauty in friendship, and sisterhood. When the right women are connected as friends they build each other up, and can provide a sense of support to each other that is utterly amazing. I read a story recently of how one friend was a perfect match for another friend and donated a kidney to her. What a friend, right? I know many women struggle with friendships. This is understandable, and believe me there are many in the struggle. Having a friendship with someone is an investment in your life and the other person’s life)
I must be transparent in that I know everyone simply can not be in your inner circle. Have you ever heard the saying, “Some people are in your lives for a season. Some people are in your life for a reason. Some people are in your life for a lifetime.” Your inner circle consists of those friends who you know have your back no matter what. They are loyal, supportive of you, have your best interest at heart, and truly love you for the person you are. Typically, they are motivators, and may push you especially if they see the potential and strengths within you. When you hurt, they hurt. When you are frustrated or discouraged, they come running with encouragement, and inspiration. Honestly, they bring out the best in you, and you do the same for them. My mother always told me if I was blessed to have a few of these type of friends as I just described, be extremely thankful. When the connection is right in a friendship, you gain strength from one another, and are so grateful the person is a part of your life.
Although, this can be difficult for some to hear, I must address friendships that are toxic. Sometimes as women we know friendships are not healthy for us yet we stay in those relationships because they are comfortable, and familiar. Toxic friends belittle, demean, can be envious, and joke inappropriately about their perception of your flaws. When you leave them you feel worse than you did before meeting with them. This type of friend if we can call it that, takes your kindness for granted, and can be parasitic ( generally they take, never willing to give of themselves selflessly). What I know to be true is, HURT PEOPLE HURT OTHERS. If you have friendship of this nature, please evaluate the situation, and realize you deserve the very best in a friendship. If it means, you are alone temporarily, without a friend that is okay. Know that all women do not hurt other women. Many women are damaged, and wounded therefore they lash out and hurt others sometimes not intentionally.
Now we all know, no relationship is perfect yet TRUE FRIENDSHIPS ARE PRICELESS. No amount of money can replace the value and love of a true, authentic relationship with another woman. If you are thinking to yourself, I don’t have that type of relationship with another woman, but I want that type of friendship! My prayer is the right connection of a friend will enter your life, and you will see the true blessing it can be. Until then, always know you deserve the very, very best in any FRIENDSHIP you enter.